Things That are NOT Meant to Be Are Better Left UNSAID

Again it is the age-old topic-defining the relationship (DTR) talk (as coined by a gf). Why is it the thing you want MOST to happen, won’t happen; and the thing you dread most to happen, happens eventually?

Is it because we all humans are creatures that demand an answer all the time? It is not at all good to just read between the lines when someone has hinted very apparently out that ‘I treat you as buddy friends’?

What does a guy get, after confessing to someone whom he knows has been going through a lot with another guy? If he is someone who really knows this girl and has been communicating with her at the same wavelength really well (definition of well to ME: she can talk about anything under the sun with you; you are one of the first persons whom she share her joys and sorrows with; she feels totally at ease being herself in front of you), then perhaps he should imply to her since he at least, stands a chance, albeit a slim one. This is because, most of the time, if some things were to happen, it would have happened long time ago. I use to wonder why is it the first guy I kind of had the first major crush on, liked me at the wrong time? (refer to previous post). I know the answer; we are NOT MEANT TO BE. He is so not my cup of tea.

Of course this doesn’t apply all the time. The case of Mr. Undecisive is a shining example of how some guys don’t know what they want though they do have feelings for the girl. The best solution would be, tell her how you feel for her, add that at this time you are not ready to commit so let’s be good friend. Let’s offer your well wishes to each other should the other person finds "the one". However, if fate does transform into destiny for you two, then grab hold that fate for good, don’t let it slip past you. In life, there ain’t always a second chance.

Another example of Mr. Clueless. During a trip recently, my guy friend and I had a talk over how a college guy friend of ours should not have acted so impulsively by confessing to this mutual girl friend of ours, Miss Nice. Mr. Clueless and Ms. Nice have been classmates for some time and they are now course mates. They do not really have a buddy friendship, let along chemistry and sparks. So the best thing to do, from my guy friend’s point of view is, wait. Be patient. Be her friend, get to know her better and let her get to know you better. You must let her be comfortable when she is with you. Only then can you think of taking the friendship further, if she should reciprocate. (Definition of comfortable to ME: She doesn’t feel awkward when you two are alone, she can talk to you like good friend)

The last I heard of, these two friends felt awkward when they all went out with a bunch of friends. At least, that is what the girl feels. She really hoped that he hadn’t asked her at that time. It is all doing the wrong thing at the wrong time and wrong place. What matters to her most is, it is the WRONG PERSON.

Ms. Nice can take really ‘close’ friendly photos with other buddy guys of hers, but not Mr. Clueless. In fact, the thought of being alone with him scares her off, she constantly asked me to accompany her to avoid awkwardness. Haha. I think Mr. Clueless thinks that I am a pain in the neck.

But I feel that he should not have been so selfish to my gf. He should have thought about the whole picture from her perspective. She is now facing a hard time as she doesn’t know how to face him. Things can never,ever be the same after rejection and confession. Despite telling him politely that ‘she is not thinking about a relationship’, he still has to press her and keeps asking her if he stands a chance. Don’t you think that is just like asking someone, ‘will I strike a lottery in future?’

The chance is never 0, yet it is so slim that it can be insignificant.

And we thought that guys are all good in maths- it turns out that in real life statistics, they screw up badly in probability. Never mind that he is great when it comes to betting on world Cup or poker, he is a loser when it comes to DTR since he doesn’t realize the odds of him succeeding is pretty low.

My gf is letting things go naturally, as in really naturally. She doesn’t even take the initiative to call the guy out when they have group outing. She lets the other friends do the job. Forget about going out with her alone, Mr. Clueless. You should be glad that she is pretending that nothing is happened though she told me that she really don’t know how to face you; after all, you two were never close back then in college. So why did you say it out? Things that are NOT meant to be are better left unsaid.

Trust me, Ms. Nice is never alone in this ‘zha dou’ situation.

How would you feel, if you were a girl, when you received a letter from your long-time friend whom you don’t usually talk to? And trust me, after reading that letter, I feel more like, ‘wat the XXXX (a bit like ewww, I wish this was lost in mail) rather than the faster-than-normal heartbeat or ‘lum’ feeling (which was what I used to experience when that someone who is now playing a less important part in my life, gave me). This is just like the example above- All the wrong things happen at the wrong time and wrong place. Above all, it is from the WRONG PERSON.

Don’t you think it sounded all wrong for a guy to tell you that ‘I had a beautiful dream about you; you can read about it in my blog? Actually now I am regretting that I wrote some stuff there, but you can read it if you want to.’ If you are regretting it, WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME? I am not a girl who are melted in this way, you must get this clear.

The last "him" took a while to sort of "melt" me. And he definitely did more "useful, decent and thoughtful" things than that. Anyway I am all solidified now as I have moved on, rest assured, my true friends out there.

You know I couldn’t even bring myself to read that letter at one go. I had to push it aside, then later read on. My first reaction was, ‘NO I do not intend to know. I am really not going to visit your blog.’

And I thought I have always told you that you are one of my buddy friend. I tried to save us all from potential awkwardness, but then why must you spoil it? WHY MUST YOU BE SO CLUELESS? WHY????? You know about my last ‘him’, you knew how much role he played in my life, and you didn’t know our ending then, so why did you tell me something that is better left unsaid, and after a while, will be eventually forgotten?

When he sms-ed , I hinted that 'if it is my past problem that u wanna talk to me about, i know it already. mh they all have told me. thanks for your concern. you all are my buddy frens!' and u know what? that guy DUN GET IT!and he so freaking selfish by saying 'it is not your problem that i am interested in. it is my problem' wah, he doesnt even say something like 'oh it is not about that. But i hope everything is fine for you.'

If I could wait one year plus to ask Mr. Undecisive why he did all those sweet things to me, on what grounds, give you the idea to tell me those stuff though we just reconnected recently as friends? It took him and I so many hours of anticipation, knowing each other, phone calls, outing, ups and downs, bad times and good times not to mention bills that made my mum shouted at me, to be where we were. I know what that feeling is, now that I have gone out a few times with my buddy guy friends, I know the someone is special when I really feel the happiness exuding from the bottom of my heart. I am different from other girls, I don’t really feel tachycardia (rapid heart beat) whenever I see a guy-to me that is a mere infatuation that little school girls’ experience.

So the bottom line is, you should not have done what you did because you KNEW IT ALL ALONG what was going on between him and I. You did NOT think what I would feel, you are being so selfish. And even if he never came into my life, the ending will still be the same for you and I. I believe that we cannot take our friendship any further. I really hope that we two can be like normal friends after this.

Please do not bring up topics that will put me in a dilemma. A guy friend told me it is alright to say ‘no’; in fact, to him, saying ‘no’ is the best solution. But I do not think so.

So let things be natural-leave it, let it be, my brain is too small to handle all these, my priorities are my studies, I really want to upgrade my CGPA!!

----------------edited hours later when I read the horoscope on Friendster------------------

The Bottom Line
Watch out for confrontations and, if you're pushed, don't push back. Just step back.

In Detail
Your temper might be quick to flare today, so try to prevent stressful situations before they happen. If you can, separate yourself from the rest of the crowd and try to do your work or study solo. If that's just not practical, keep your mind focused on your own priorities, and learn that when you argue with an idiot, you're giving them too much credit. People who want to push your buttons are simply not worth your time. If you're pushed, don't push back.

Can't help but to wonder if that Friendster guy can read my mind =P haha.